


Take It Off

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Humour, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 05:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1375288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony used to think that the 1940s were repressed. Steve's repertoire of racy songs makes him reconsider.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take It Off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lazulisong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazulisong/gifts).



> This is [lazulisong's fault](http://lazulisong.tumblr.com/post/80748086684/we-had-a-guy-i-worked-with-who-communicated-mostly). If you follow the link, the song there is hilarious and catchy.

**Take It Off**

Steve Rogers likes to sing. No, really.

One of the consequences of Captain America moving into the Avengers Tower is the fact that whenever Steve is around, he’s constantly singing or humming or whistling old tunes that Tony doesn’t recognise. They’re usually jaunty, fast-paced numbers, not unpleasant to listen to, so Tony usually doesn’t mind. What Tony minds is when Steve doesn’t bother to sing them properly, just little snatches of songs here and there, or when he sings them under his breath, not loud enough to hear them properly but loud enough to be annoying.

Steve has been mumbling a song under his breath all morning, and it’s driving Tony crazy.

The Avengers are all in the kitchen, eating a delicious batch of pancakes that were a joint effort between Bruce and Steve, and Tony can’t take it anymore.

“So Cap, not that you don’t have a lovely singing voice, but either sing properly or stop,” he declares loudly.

Steve starts, and glances up guiltily. It’s an unexpected reaction.

“What?”

“You’ve been sort of humming,” Clint offers. “Not that we mind, man, but what are you singing?”

Steve gives them a wide-eyed look. Tony isn’t sure why.

“Go on, sing it for us,” says Tony, just to be a dick. With Captain Peak of Human Perfection, it’s hard not to be. Bruce sends Tony a disapproving look, which Tony ignores. “You’ve been mumbling it to yourself all morning, I think after that we deserve to know what you’re actually singing.”

Steve hesitates, then something in his face firms, and he shrugs, clearing his throat. And sings.

“ _Take it off, take it off! cries a voice from the rear_  
 _Take it off, take it off! soon it’s all you can hear_  
 _But she’s always a lady even in pantomime_  
 _So she stops – and always just in time!_ ”

Tony exchanges an incredulous, wide-eyed look with Clint. But Steve isn’t done. While Tony is still gaping Steve moves onto a verse, all about how the lady in question would love to retire to the country one day, but buying a farm costs money, so in the meantime she strips for cash.

Steve is singing quite cheerfully now, not in the least embarrassed, as he sings a song about a stripper that even Tony thinks is a little risqué.

“ _Take it off, take it off! all the customers shout_  
 _Down in front, down in front while the band beats it out_  
 _But she’s always a lady even in pantomime_  
 _So she stops – and always just in time!_ ”

Tony just sits and stares. Bruce is hiding a smirk behind his mug, and Natasha is outright grinning.

“A worthy tavern ballad!” Thor booms approvingly. “You must teach me the words, Captain!”

Tony decides to just quietly eat his breakfast.

* * *

Tony starts to suspect that there’s more to Steve than most people think (Tony included) the second time it happens. The Avengers are all trapped together in a conference room, waiting for Coulson and Fury to arrive for the monthly _‘what goddamn thing have you done now?’_ meeting that Fury insists on having.

They’re all fidgeting with boredom, wondering where Fury and Coulson are, when Steve starts humming. He’s still humming when Coulson walks in and bids them all good-morning. Steve stops humming to return Coulson’s greeting. Coulson tells them that Fury will be along in a minute, and sits down. There’s a moment’s awkward silence.

Coulson turns to Steve.

“I don’t recognise the song you were humming,” Coulson says pleasantly. Steve looks vaguely uncomfortable, which gets Tony’s attention.

“Well, it’s an old one,” Steve shrugs.

“Oh?” Coulson asks. “How does it go?”

Steve looks resigned, which tips Tony off. All of the other Avengers are listening avidly now, for lack of anything better to do. Steve sighs, but leans back in his chair and starts to sing.

“ _She was only a postmaster's daughter,_  
 _And I met her in The Strand;_  
 _She gave me a glad optic,_  
 _So I took that girl in hand!_  
 _We cuddled in the darkness,_  
 _And that baby wasn't stale,_  
 _She was only a postmaster's daughter,_  
 _But she knew how to handle a mail!”_

By the time he finishes Tony and Clint are snickering at the look on Coulson’s face. Coulson is clearly thrown, and trying not to show it. He’s also failing miserably.

“That’s… an interesting song,” Coulson says, a little blankly, and Steve gives a self-deprecating smile.

“I don’t sing it that well,” he admits, a little bashfully. “My pal Bucky, he used to have all the fellas roaring with laughter when he sang it.”

Tony has heard of Bucky Barnes. He was one of the Howling Commandos, and fought by Captain America’s side during the war. No one mentioned that he and Captain America used to sing dirty songs together.

“Do you know any other songs like that?” Clint asks, a gleeful look in his eyes.

“Well, sure,” says Steve, looking faintly surprised. “I _was_ in the army, you know.”

Tony opens his mouth to comment, but before he can, Natasha says, “The forties weren’t as repressed as you thought, Stark.”

Tony has to admit, if Steve’s choices in songs are any indication, she’s probably right.

The meeting starts soon after as Fury arrives, but Coulson still looks vaguely disturbed.

* * *

The next time it happens, the lot of them are drunk as lords on the Asgardian mead Thor brought back form his last trip home. Even Steve is drunk, face flushed, and a big smile on his face. Tony thinks muzzily that he’s never seen him in such good spirits. Good spirits, hah. Tony snickers into his glass.

As he watches, Steve climbs onto the nearest table, wobbling slightly. Thor passes him a bottle, and Steve thanks him with immense dignity before taking a swig.

“Take it off!” Natasha shouts, and is backed up by a cheer from Dr Foster, who is visiting Thor, and just as drunk as the rest of them. Her intern waves a handful of cash as incentive, hollering encouragement.

Steve doesn’t pay any attention to any of them, frowning with an effort of memory. Suddenly he beams, and a great sunny smile bursts over his face.

Then he starts to sing.

“ _Nellie was a city gal, more than nine tenths pure,_  
 _Till a country guy came riding by on a ten cent trolley tour!_  
 _His eyes were mean, his heart was black, and this inter-urban tramp_  
 _Beguiled poor Nell and took her back to his nearby nudist camp!_  
 _His cohorts looked her over in a picturesque ravine,_  
 _From orchestra to balcony and second mezzanine,_  
 _And then and there elected her to be their nudist queen!”_

No one knows the lyrics. No one cares. When Steve finishes, everyone claps and yells, and he smiles cheerfully.

“JARVIS,” he announces, “play the Strip Polka!”

“Yes, sir,” says JARVIS dryly, and music starts to play.

“What on _earth?_ ” says a new voice, and Tony beams with joy as he realises that Pepper is standing in the doorway, one eyebrow raised almost impossibly high. She must have caught an earlier plane than planned.

“Pep!” he yells delightedly.

It’s at that exact moment that Steve and Thor start to sing, and everything else is drowned out.

“ _There's a burlesque theatre where the gang loves to go_  
 _To see Queenie the cutie of the burlesque show_  
 _And the thrill of the evening is when out Queenie skips_  
 _And the band plays the polka while she strips!”_

It’s the stripper song, Tony realises as they get to the chorus, and he joins in. Maybe he doesn’t get all the words right, but that doesn’t matter.

They get through the chorus, and Tony looks back at Pepper to see that she has a hand over her mouth, laughing. He stumbles forward to give her a hug.

“Pepper,” he says happily, “they’re singing the stripper song!”

Pepper tries to compose herself.

“Yes, Tony, I can hear.” A grin tries to escape, but Pepper ruthlessly forces it back. “JARVIS, are you recording this?”

“Every minute of it, Miss Potts,” JARVIS says from the ceiling.

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Pepper manages to say almost calmly. But her eyes are still laughing.

Steve and Thor launch into the next verse, and then it’s the chorus again. This time, almost everyone in the room sings along. Still perched on the table, Steve takes off his shirt, and throws it to Foster’s intern, who screams. Thor takes this as his cue, and starts to strip himself. Tony hurries over to convince him that his pants should stay _on_.

Pepper laughs so hard she almost cries.

 


End file.
